Most of us do not have good memories about our dads. About 70% of the people did not have what they would call great dads. In fact, by and large we are a fatherless generation. Or an under-fathered one at best. How do you remember your dad? What did you miss? What are the phrases or words that describe your relationship with dad? Why do we need to look back?
What happened then may still be affecting us today You understand yourself and current attitudes by investigating your past. Unhealed father wounds affect your walk with God. Two, time or ignorance never will heal a wound. One has to face it, clean it up and treat it.
When a father doesn’t do his job; or does it poorly, everyone suffers. Wounds abound, and the reactions vary. Dads who wound us;
Absent Dads – Absent dads leave behind kids starved for love, affirmation and instruction. When you have an absent father, you grow up with a social, emotional and psychological deficit. Many people would say: “I never knew my dad!“. A dad who though present, never affirmed or showed affection to his kids… They spend a lifetime looking for that. “I wish dad said it – that he loved me.” Dads who run away [especially for other women] cause pain and bitterness to the children. The kids suffer rejection and abandonment, which leads to self-hate or an obsession to achieve.
Passive Dads – Passive dads are dads who are present but uninvolved. Such dads will not discipline their kids, or show interest in their activities or school. Most kids interpret this to mean that they are not good enough for their dads or that they are a bother to him. Some kids react by being aggressive or going for addictions/obsessive behavior in an attempt to get dad to notice. Yet others become like dad – passive men and women who lack initiative and drive. Some come out with blame and regret… “Dad, I wish you had done something; things would be different!” Biblical examples of passive dads include Eli the priest and Ahab.
Abusive Dads
1.Physical Abuse – A violent dad will cause kids to grow up in fear and insecurity [no self-confidence, fearful or they become violent /aggressive] Daughters from such homes will struggle to trust men, fear them or will be attracted to passive, docile or phlegmatic men.
2. Emotional Abuse – A dad who uses abusive words or emotional manipulation will cause low-self esteem in children, crush their drive and raise bitter kids. Most kids from such homes will find it hard to emotionally connect with others.
3. Sexual Abuse – A dad who sexually molests his kids will make them sexually confused, angry or abusive [some turn to homosexuality, some to casual sex, addictive behavior like drugs and porn and others to crime]. When the strong man who is supposed to use his strength to protect you uses it against you; it hurts deep. The abuse victim often grows up to be an abuser.
4. Controlling /Perfectionist Dad – A controlling father wants everything to be done his way. He is manipulative. He will force you into some career or marriage that you live to resent. Controlling dads live out their dreams and fears through you. Some withhold affection or approval to demand their way. Some had a dad who was impossible to please… a perfectionist. For everything you do till now, you hear the harsh voice of your dad telling you: ‘Not good enough.’
5. Dads Behaving Badly – Some saw our dads cheat on or emotionally abuse mum. Others had alcoholic dads who made fools of themselves. Someone I know had a dad who grabbed the land of some orphans and that wounded him very deeply. Neglect – some dads neglect their responsibilities of being providers, protectors and priests, wounding their offspring. David and Noah are biblical examples of dads behaving badly.
.Many of us are wounding our children/spouses/friends today because of what we saw from or experienced with our fathers. The cycle continues – a wounded man/woman will end up wounding others and wounding self. What father wound do you carry today?
Malachi 4:1- 61
Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire, says the LORD Almighty. Not a root or a branch will be left to them. 2 But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. 3 Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things, says the LORD Almighty. 4 Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel.
This is the last chapter of the last book of the O.T. God is about to go silent for 400 years. The last thing he talks about is fathers and their children. He promises healing and reconciliation. He says this is the key to the blessing of the nation. And if it does not happen, the nation will be under a curse. 400 years later, unto Israel a son is given. John the Baptist came to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers and fathers to their children
(Pastor Simon on #TheBench with +Jeff Koinange - Part I)
Luke 1:17
And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to wisdom of the righteous – to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.
This is what prepares a way for the Lord. Then Jesus was born, and he introduced us to the father. He later went to the cross to facilitate reconciliation with our heavenly Dad.
Peace with dad brings blessings.
How do we make peace?
Forgive – Once forgiveness is extended, begin to act in accordance with it. Correct decisions you had made out of anger. Reverse vows made never to do certain things. And plan to honor your dad. If he is not present, honor anyone who represents him like his wife or uncle.
Pass the case on to God – Choose to believe in God’s justice. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12: 18, 19
Seek reconciliation (Where possible) – Plan to visit with him, call, or write a letter. It might be instant or a process. May be received well, or not. Do your part. Pray about it continually and persist. Seek counsel where complicated.
What is the load you have been carrying? It is time to release it. Your future is pegged on it. It determines what you feel about yourself. Walk to freedom. Mathew 11:28 invites us to rest: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me.” Healing this wound will set you free and from passing down the wound to the next generation. Let go, and let God.
(Pastor Simon on #TheBench with +Jeff Koinange - Part IV)
No comments:
Post a Comment